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Our friends for more than 20 years, who has overcome several obstacles, which I admire. But, she's repeatedly caught off guard by others. Her spouse left her, which came as an unexpected event. Several of her social circle disappeared during that time, as they were drawn to her husband. It shocked her deeply. She made increased attention to be my friend, and must have understood more clearly what friendship was.

A Recurring Theme of Disappearance

In the time since, many of her friends have disappeared leaving her knowing the cause. The company she worked for became hostile, despite the fact that she was an excellent employee, and she left not understanding the reason for the change.

Current Dynamics

Recently, we have each retired and are seeing each other more, however, I feel the part I play in the relationship is to listen. I start discussion points and she changes conversation onto things she cares about. Regarding political views, she expresses firm beliefs. My effort is to suggest verifying facts and alternate views.

She's been arranging a holiday abroad I know well on several occasions and lived in for some time. I tried to provide advice, but this was unappreciated. She essentially only wanted validation of her choices. I recently returned from a month in that country she is eager to catch up, but I don't.

Evaluating the Situation

I am unwilling in this role who abandons suddenly abruptly, however, I feel she'll truly understand the effect of her behaviour on my confidence. Currently, I find myself in distancing myself. What should I do?

Potential Solutions

You could cut and run, but it is seldom the easy answer we imagine. However, addressing it aiming for a solution requires bravery and openness for each of you.

Therapists recommend trying a effective method for resolving disputes:

"The first step is to state the usual pattern in your conversations. It should be as factual as possible like an unbiased account. The second is to tell her how it affects you emotionally. This allows for no disagreement about this. What you feel are valid, naturally. Finally is to ask how the two of you going to change the dynamics of your friendship."

Remember she too has her own side, so you need to be prepared to hear that. A helpful technique is to say to the other person:

"Please share your thoughts and I promise to remain silent for 30 minutes."

It's remarkably impactful in fostering better communication.

Closing Considerations

She might reject your concerns, for those who cling to a deep-seated story: they have a version of their life they won't let go of because their very survival depends upon it being the only thing they trust. This is difficult because there's no clear path here, only cul-de-sacs. However, she might start out this way then consider about what you've said. If you don't achieve an agreement, you'll have peace that you've been truthful.